Attached At The Hip: Why This Should Be a HUGE deal for you and your relationships

This is good stuff.

Attachment is massive. It isn’t unique to humans, either. We see it all over the animal species in how babies relate to their mom, to their siblings and how spouses relate to one another.

Watch this video and learn all about why it’s so important, what’s the #1 thing you need to know about attachment and what does healthy attachment look like.

Go on, you’re going to love it.

Watch it, here

How Trauma Affects The Brain (this is crazy)

I just shot a quick piece on trauma and the brain. This is crazy stuff. The ways our brain works is so stinkin’ complex and we’re still discovering new things about it every day.

Anyways, this is powerful knowledge and I want you, yes, you, to have this in your tool belt. No, you’re not crazy. Everything we do has an origination. In other words, it comes out of your story.

I couldn’t get into too much detail but consider this video installment #1. Check it out, shoot me any questions and share it, if you think your friends could benefit.

As always, thankful for you!

Watch the Video, HERE

The Final One: Everything in Moderation

“My experience leads me to believe that operating in extremes may come from at least two situations and perhaps more. One is observing and reacting to the behavior of the caregivers who operate in extremes. The other is from the experience of “not being heard” or feeling invisible in the family of origin.” Pia Mellody in Facing Codependency

If lacking boundaries or not knowing what we need and/or want was not enough of an indicator that codependency might be present, cue core symptom #5. Difficulty experiencing and expressing our reality in moderation.

The ability to moderately know what we are feeling, how to express it even how we behave is difficult. This key symptom affects our body, our thinking, our feelings and our behavior. It affects every aspect of our reality.

Let me show you what I’m talking about.

—-If you’d prefer to watch the video that accompanies this post, watch it HERE

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www.oliviapelts.com

Core Symptom #4: This is why you’re so needy…

“Don’t you have a magic pill or something?” she laughs and then…stops.  This is a person who doesn’t want to feel “this” anymore. She’s been hurt by the ones who were suppose to love and protect her. She is so disconnected from her own needs, wants and emotions as a result of being abused, denied, and neglected.

It’s hard enough to know our own needs and then, on top of that, to find safe people to help us meet them. Especially when all we’ve ever known is abuse, ridicule, hate and shame.

How do we overcome it and, as Brene Brown shares, show up and be seen authentically with our whole hearts?

—-prefer to listen and watch? Follow this link.—-

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Facing Codependency: Can I trust myself?

“I feel really hurt by what he said to me…but I might have heard it wrong.”

“When I was little I cried a bunch and I vividly remember my mom telling me to “suck it up. It’s not that big of a deal”

“I know the scale doesn’t lie but 115 pounds at 5’9 feels and looks really heavy on me…”

For those who grew up being ignored, attacked, or abandoned–in any way–likely struggle with owning and accepting their own reality.  Consider this: you witnessed your mom hitting your dad and it scared you…alot. When you ask why mommy was hitting daddy, you were told that what you saw didn’t happen and that everything is fine. When this type of denial of your own experience happens consistently over a period of time, you begin to question your own thoughts, feelings, behaviors and even how you experience your own body.

Core Symptom #3: Difficulty owning our own reality

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Facing Codependency: The Big Kahuna

I thought being a friend meant always being there when they needed you.

I thought being a “good wife” meant never saying “no” when my husband wanted to have sex.

I struggle to say “no,” even when it is obvious that I don’t want to do it…I still end up, somehow, saying “yes.”

If I’m honest, I routinely blame others for my own emotions, especially….when I’m angry. I don’t like to take ownership of that.

Any of these sound familiar? All of these are real life examples of people who struggle with…boundaries.

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intimacy

The #1 Symptom of Codependency (it’s not what you think)

In my previous blog post Learning how to Stand Back Up, Again: How to fight your inner demons  I laid out the 5 core symptoms of codependency as organized by Pia Mellody in her work, Facing Codependency.  While there are several books on the topic, the way in which Pia approaches codependency is palatable and comprehensive in how she puts “flesh” on the issue in all types of settings and relationships. In short, Pia does an excellent job in showing you the myriad of ways codependency looks across all platforms. Whatever you thought codependency was before, this perspective will likely give you a much bigger picture and understanding of an extremely common issue. Continue reading

The Connected Child: Empower

In The Connected Child,  Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross lay out 3 guiding principles to developing an emotionally connected child: empower, connect and correct.

In this short video, I provide an in-depth look into the first principle: empower. As parents of foster and/or adoptive kids, we need to ensure their physiological and ecological needs are met. This is done through felt safety, predictability, transitions, proper nutrition and hydration.

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Having worked in the foster care system and having gone through the adoption process with her niece and nephews, Olivia understands the complexities in welcoming a child into your home. Check back every week as Olivia walks through these principles and ways you can help unlock your child’s true potential that has been hiding behind trauma, anxiety, adhd and other emotional and behavioral issues.

www.oliviapelts.com

The Connected Child: Introduction of TBRI

Olivia is super passionate about equipping foster and adoptive parents to be the best healing agents they can be.

In this brief video, Olivia gives an overview of Trust Based Relational Intervention Therapy along with the primary book that is utilized in helping parents live out the concepts of empowering, connecting and correcting your child(ren).

Check it out, ask questions, get involved.

The Connected Child: TBRI and Why You Need This For Your Family

Learning To Stand Back Up, Again: How To Fight Your Inner Demons

“The secret to your recovery is to learn to embrace your own history. Look at it, become aware of it, and experience your feelings about the less-than-nurturing events of your past. Because if you don’t, the issues from your history will be held in minimization, denial and delusion and truly be behind you as demons you are not aware of. And this situation will continue to make you miserable through your own dysfunctional behaviors….hug your demons or they will bite you in the ass. If you do not embrace what is dysfunctional, you are doomed to repeat it and stay in the pain.”  P. Mellody.

“That’s just it,” she said. “I know I’m in this crazy cycle of dysfunction, I’m just not sure I’m ready to go through all the pain that I know will be required to get out of it.”

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